Bully Prevention & Conflict Resolution
ACCORDING TO A STUDY BY THE UNITED
STATES DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION:
"Metal detectors in schools and police
officers patrolling hallways are less likely to
prevent incidents of school shootings than
anti-bullying programs are."
Why is this so? Because time and time again
tragic situations of extreme violence are the
product of a cruel, hostile, and alienating
social condition. Children who end up hurting
other children cannot be stopped by police and
metal detectors, for these things only address the
symptom and not the cause. To stop the current
epidemic of violence in school we must go to the
source of the problem...address the root.
BULLIES AND VICTIMS ARE THE SAME...
BOTH LACK CONFIDENCE & SELF-ESTEEM:
Children bully because they've been bullied, either
in or outside of school. They are looking for power
and a sense of self worth in a circumstance where
a healthy self-esteem has somehow been impeded.
Children often allow themselves to be bullied due
to an ironically similar lack of self esteem, as well
as confidence. The child who truly feels good about
themselves has no interest in bullying others, and
bullies have no interest in them either! Therefore
confidence and self esteem are the keys. In
addition, it is important to note, that no child
is "stuck" being either a bully or a victim.
THE SCHOOL PEACEMAKER PROGRAM
puts a very large emphasis on inspiring the
children to identify and develop their own
creative and constructive interests. They are
taught that everybody has something unique
that they like to do, and in pursuing that,
they will gain self-assurance. In addition, the
children are provided with realistic scenarios
in which they are given practical nonviolent
solutions to difficult bully situations. These
scenarios accentuate the importance of
projecting self-confidence (see puppet
role-playing).
The children are also given "worksheets" to
write down any questions or concerns that
may be "brought to the surface" from these
discussions. These questions are immediately
forwarded to the school counselors for their
attention.
Children are further encouraged that if they
have been a bully that it's never too late to
change this behavior. It is explained and
reinforced that it is a much better feeling to
help somebody then to have power over
them. This is a message they need to hear.
One more reason that children bully is because of
peer pressure. It is natural to want to "fit in", and
if that requires being mean to someone that other
children are picking on, children often do. The
children are taught the axiom "What is popular is
not always right, and what is right is not always
popular".The children are given examples to show
them that the courage to do what is right is not
always easy. Children are encouraged not to "go
along" with being a bully just to gain or keep
acceptance. They are motivated to stand up for
each other when they can. This builds character,
self-respect and a supportive environment.
ANGER & CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Another very important component to a safe and
peaceful school atmosphere is learning how to
deal with conflict and anger in constructive and
effective ways. The children are taught that both
conflict and anger are natural and inevitable. It's
how we handle them that makes all the difference.
RESIST, BREATHE, CALM & THINK
Over and over, throughout every segment of
the program, this simple phrase is repeated
and reinforced. This concise statement gives
the children an easy to remember and very
universal foundation for resolving conflict.
When we get angry it is very easy to say or do
something that will only make the situation worse,
and many times even end in violence. The children
are taught to first RESIST the urge to say or do
something in anger, then BREATHE to loosen the
tightness that quickly accumulates with anger, then
begin to feel more CALM and then THINK about
the potential consequences of what they say or do.
The children are given a wide variety of different
situations where this can apply, and are shown the
advantages of avoiding unnecessary trouble.
The children are also taught the important concepts
of PREEMPTING a conflict before it occurs,
NON-ESCALATION of a conflict once it happens,
and DIFFUSING a conflict with efficiency.
UNREALISTIC VIOLENCE IN THE MEDIA
It is no secret that children are exposed to a very
wide variety of glorified and often graphic violence
on a regular basis. On T.V., in some popular music,
and on video games, children witness all sorts of
very destructive behavior without any realistic
commentary about the consequences. It is a very
important objective of this program to counter this
ubiquitous influence in a well-grounded fashion.
A WORD ABOUT OUR TARGET AGE GROUP
There is a consensus among the professionals
involved with the development of this course that
first through fifth grade is the ideal age group for
this workshop. This is because children generally
begin to form their own sense of identity during
this period, and are very open to constructive
suggestions. Future workshops will be modified for
other age groups.
(c) 2006 David William Shaman

